Why I’m not a corporate climber: a raw look at self-worth, ambition, and trauma
All ambition comes the from the lack.
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"What makes you want to work at our company?"
I always gave rehearsed BS answers, but what I really wanted to say was: "Money to do things I want to do."
That is all.
I’m not passionate about any companies, nor am I interested in dedicating my life to producing other people’s profits.
Early in my marketing career, I was puzzled by high-achievers who genuinely cared about the company’s success and climbing the greasy (pole) ladder.
Why didn’t I want what they wanted? Did I lack ambition?
Now, at 37, I realise:
Most high achievers are driven by trauma. They’re trying to fill a hole.
I couldn’t relate to their relentless drive because I wasn’t hurting. I'm not trying to prove my worth to the world. I already know it.
Here’s my theory:
Kids who received unconditional love don’t grow up feeling the need to prove themselves, unlike those who had to earn it.
High achievers often lacked the attention and recognition they needed as children. As adults, they become obsessed with climbing to the top, seeking validation, pats on the back, and the “you've finally made it” moments they never got as kids.
Without intrinsic self-worth, they try to prove their value through achievements to impress others, believing love is earned by being '“a good boy or a good girl”.
I don’t have that in me,
which explains why I never thrived in the corporate world.
For me, success isn’t about others’ opinions (though it’s nice when they align with mine). Success is a feeling. It’s feeling proud of my achievements and spending my time doing what I love.
I call myself a writer because I write. I don’t need someone to pay me to call myself a writer. I don’t need a book deal, a magazine column, or any external validation to call myself a writer. I am already a writer because I write.
You are what you do, even if there’s no outside recognition for it yet.
Difficult childhoods make amazing (read: dutiful) employees
Keenness to please makes people perfect candidates for corporate high-flyers. There are plenty of “important people” above to impress and get validated by in a corporate setting.
I know brilliant, driven people who are always pushing ahead. And while I admire their fire, I also see the pain behind their eyes. The fear that they’re still not enough.
Let me give you some examples:
The names below have been changed to protect their identities.
Julia
Julia was emotionally neglected as a child. Rarely hugged or praised, her positive achievements were often undervalued with comments like: “You could always do better.”
So when she grew up, she sought approval from her bosses.
What Julia, with her relentless pursuit of promotions, was really seeking was her mother's approval.
But no matter how successful she became, there was always something missing – the unconditional love she never received.
Julia is now starting to realise she is in the wrong career, but it’s hard to figure out what she wants to do because she doesn’t have an inner compass.
Her parents didn’t provide a stable foundation from where she could listen to her inner voice.
Julia is in therapy now, and it’s interesting to see that the more spiritual she becomes, the less ambitious she feels.
Amy
Amy is a wildly successful multimillion-dollar company owner who works 12-hour days.
She also has bipolar disorder.
During manic episodes, she works tirelessly, driven by grandiose thinking.
Her achievements might seem superhuman, but they’re fuelled by her condition.
Consider this next time you compare yourself to other people’s achievements.
Jonas
Jonas grew up in a comfortable upper-class family.
With high expectations from his parents, he scrambled up every ladder he found.
He hates his job but feels compelled to meet his parents’ expectations.
This, too, is a trauma response.
Me
I don’t have comparable childhood traumas or mental illnesses. But I’ve had moments of deep distress that motivated me.
I can see what a powerful motivator trauma can be.
In December 2013, after 5 rounds of job interviews, PayPal rejected me. I felt devastated. With only £233 in my bank account, I was ready to give up on London and go back to Estonia.
But the next day, something shifted. I had an intense urge to start a blog, to get back my power. Something that no one could take away from me.
I’m not sure how I managed to create a blog in just 3 hours, but I did. During that time, I decided that my blog would be about my generation (Millennials) and I named it Lucky Attitude, reflecting how I felt then. Thanks to Google and YouTube, I quickly learned how to set up a blog and successfully got it running.
The speed at which I operated was insane, as if I was possessed. I haven’t experienced anything like this since. I’m usually a slow creator and like to take my time.
But feeling devastated lit a fire in me. It made me create something out of sheer bloody-mindedness.
Lucky Attitude eventually led to my first content marketing job. And now, 11 years later, it brings in a steady income I can live on.
Would I have started this blog if I didn’t feel distressed?
I don’t know.
That’s the thing about trauma. It can cripple you, or it can fuel you. You never know.
My ambition is different
I'm drawn to the messy, imperfect journey of following my curiosity.
I want to make good money doing things I’d do for free.
I don’t want to sacrifice my personal wants for the professional ones.
I’m actually more interested in the process rather than an end goal.
I aim for mastery, not ladder climbing.
Experience shows that when I hone my craft, external validation follows.
I don’t chase external validation, yet it often finds me.
There is a shift in the zeitgeist
I see many women stepping into their personal power.
, , , — these women aren’t interested in getting a seat at someone else’s table. They don’t want to be part of the hustle culture.They seek prosperity on their terms, living softly and finding abundance without sacrificing wellbeing.
Instead of climbing the ladder, they are building their own damn castle.
SAVE THESE FOR LATER:
"You are what you do, even if there’s no outside recognition for it yet." - I needed to read this today, thank you. 🖤 xx
This piece really made me think. Since I’m a gray thinking type of a person, my initial reaction was: it depends. Of course, this could be the unhealthy root of wanting success. But at the same time it could come from an origin of manifesting. Of wanting to share, the gifts that one has with the world and their company. Any thoughts?